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Canada's Beautifu Yukon
Norm Goldman, Editor of the travel site, www.sketchandtravel.com interviews an expert on the Yukon.
Norm Goldman, Editor of sketchandtravel.com is pleased to have as our guest, Genevieve Grant of Yukon Wild Marketing. Good day...
Discover Rovaniemi - Jewel of Lapland
Rovaniemi is the provincial capital of Lapland. It is situated
only a whisker away from the Arctic Circle at the confluence of
Northern Finland's two great rivers - the River Ounasjoki and
River Kemijoki. The city was founded during the Stone Age...
Hello from Toronto - A Culinary Tour of the St. Lawrence Market & An Exploration of Historic Tour
Life works in really strange and wonderful ways. At the
beginning of this week I talked to my brother in Austria on the
phone, and he said he'd been reading this German travel magazine
and there was a big write-up about a Toronto-based tour...
How Discount Airlines Save Money
In the last twenty years, discount airlines have single-handedly changed the way the airline industry functions. With a focus on getting customers to their desired destinations without the frills of regular airline travel, discount airlines can...
The Top 7 Money-Saving Tips When Using an Air Travel Finder
An air travel finder can be the best tool you ever use, and with these top 7 money-saving tips you will get the best deals possible on you air travel:
1. Make your reservation as early as possible. At least 14 days in advance, but aim for at...
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A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...
(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.
“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.
Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?
If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”
As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”
“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun.
Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!
Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!
To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!
Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!
__________
*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".
If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.
About the Author
Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com
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